It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
