theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
