I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
