You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
