People with herpes should wear stickers.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
