y did u give ur computer a hand job?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my liver is dry heaving
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
