I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
