im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
