all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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