fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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