Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
