Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I love having hate sex.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
