Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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