I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Farmville is her only friend.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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