I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
