his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
