I wish my penis had an off switch
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
