I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
