I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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