I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
