Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize