do herpes really smell.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
