Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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