Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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