sarcasm needs its own font
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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