ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
