even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
