I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....