I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him