yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature