why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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