Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?