So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
