Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
