so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
