On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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