If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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