you guys were way drunker than both of me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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