Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
