"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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