Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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