areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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