I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
