Kiss
Puke
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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