There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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