so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She even gives head with a lisp.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
