What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
