You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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