She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
