omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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