She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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