Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(606): View more from Kentucky

I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

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(281): View more from Texas

Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.

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(416): View more from Toronto

You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(256): View more from Alabama

this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.

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(510): View more from California

Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.

(1-510): View more from California

That is one convoluted booty call.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.

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