I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list