You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.