hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...