Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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