Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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