remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
