2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...