I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land