I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.