That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me