I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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