Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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