He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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