Don't make out with my wife yet
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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